So – Bruno is coming. I haven’t been this excited for a movie since – well – maybe ever. I’ve been following the skits posted on facebook and youtube. If you haven’t considered watching Bruno yet, I encourage you to do so.

Preview:

Why is this guy beating his wife over pizza? I asked myself this question ten years ago, and am still asking myself this question today.

I can, indeed, do anything!

As you all know, I’m fascinated with this series. Ricky has got to be my favourite. I’ve made an English transcript as well as translated it into Chinese.

English:
I just want to say that just because Lucy spent the night in the drunk tank doesn’t mean she’s a bad mother, I mean, everyone spends nights in the drunk tank. I’ve been in the drunk tank about ten times, and I’m sure you have, and I’m sure you guys have; it’s not a big deal, it just happens once in a while.

The problem is, she lives with this girl named Sarah, smokes a ton of weed, and I mean, that’s what happens. When Lucy gets drunk, she’s fine, when Lucy gets drunk and smokes a joint of hash, she’s fine, when she gets drunk and smokes a joint of weed, she’s… a different person. That’s why she ended up in the drunk tank, because of Sarah and her weed joints.

And as for the open liquor in my car, I live in my car, my car is my home, so that should have been open liquor anyway. You guys probably have liquor in your home, probably all kinds of liquor, if the cops pull you over in your house, how is that open liquor.

The main thing is, oops – just dropped my smoke here – I’m going to have a lot of money coming to me in the next few days, not going to tell you how I’m making it, but it’s going to be a lot of money, going to bail my dad out of jail, and going to buy a trailer. He’ll be living there, I’ll be living there, and Lucy will be living there, so there’s going to be lots of people watching over Trinity, so it’s – can’t ever happen anymore.

If you just release her, send her back to her mom, her mom’s great, a good mother. And that’ll be fine, I’ll look after her once in a while when she gets drinking, but other than that, she’ll be always watching her, and my dad can watch her when he’s not drunk. But tonight I’m getting drunk, because it’s my turn, she got drunk yesterday and this is my day, and … I’m not going to get drunk before I get her home, I’m going to take her home, and give her to Lucy, and Lucy can watch her, and then I’m going to buy some drinks..

So yeah, I think, we’re done here, I’m just wanna pick up my daughter, and take her home to Lucy, and get drunk.

Chinese:
我只是想說，只是因爲Lucy（我老婆）昨天晚上睡在拘留所，不一定代表她是個坏母親，我的意思就是，好像有時候每個人都要至少在拘留所睡一次。很正常的事情吧，我在拘留所十多次，我確定你（法官）有，而你們（律師）也有；這個不是很重要的事情，只是偶爾會發生。

主要的問題就是，她跟另外個叫”Sarah”的女孩一起住，吸非常多大麻，而我的意思是：你這樣做人，早晚要遇到這樣的事情。儅Lucy喝醉了，她沒事，儅她喝醉了又吸大麻膏，她沒事，但是儅她喝醉了又吸一般的大麻，她就變成另外一個人。 這個就是爲什麽她昨晚被抓了放在拘留所，因爲Sarah和她的大麻煙。

關於我在車上有打開的酒的事情，我住在我車子，我車子就是我的家，所以那個就本來應該可以是開著的。你們好像有酒在你們家裏，可能有很多种酒，如果警察檢查你的家，有打開的酒，怎麽可能算是違法的吧？

主要的事情就是 – 哇 – 好像丟了我的煙 – 我等幾天會有很多錢，我不會說我怎麽掙的，但是反正是很多錢。我會交保正金讓我爸爸離開監獄，也會買個活動住屋。我爸爸會住在那兒，我會住在那兒，Lucy也會住在那兒，所也一定有很多人會關心Trinity(我的女兒)，所以不好的事情一定不會再發生。

如果你釋放她，送她回到她母親身邊…她母親是好人…好母親。而這樣會好的，儅她在喝酒，我會照顧她，但是除了這些時候，我老婆會一直照顧她，而儅我爸爸沒有喝醉，他也可以照顧她。但是今晚，我要喝醉了，因爲今晚該我，她昨晚喝醉了，而今天是該我的，還有… 我肯定不會在送女孩回家之前開始喝酒，一定要先送她回家，讓Lucy照顧她才去買酒。

所以，我認爲，我們的談話好像結束了，我就是想帶我的女兒回家，送她回到Lucy的身邊，然後喝醉。

This series NEEDS to be watched. It’s just fucking genius. The scary thing, is that I happen to know that there are REAL people out there who are not too far off from this guy:

“It’s against my vice principals.”