I quickly checked the number; not international, not important – I ignored it. It stopped, and rudely resumed its barrage of noise. I considered putting it in another room, but then realized that the obnoxious device also served as my alarm clock; relief by relocation was not a viable option. Nothing good could possibly come of answering this call, but the caller was persistent.. begrudgingly, I answered.

Me: Hello?
Caller (broken English): Hey, this is Dunfield’s girlfriend.
Me: What the fuck.
Caller: 你下來，現在只有我一個人和Eva在一起。她喝多了，自己走不了。
Me: What the fuck.
Caller: Come on, I know you are a gentleman, 來幫忙
Me: 嗯，但是我不算她是lady..
Caller: 那我就這樣讓她睡在路上。。
Me: 好。
Caller: 怎麽可能，快點下來
Me: 好啦好啦，等一下。。。

You see, I’d specifically avoided going out with these people to clubs. I’m busy with work and with my own projects these days, certainly no time for such buffoonery as this. Being naked, I prudently decided to don underwear and a hat before descending down to aid the drunkards.

Eva and I, despite our names being so similar, haven’t exactly been chummy chum as of late, and I must admit that I was rather unenthusiastic about helping out. There she was, lying on the sidewalk puking what ever was left in her stomach into the gutter. Dunfield apologized to me for the sleep disturbance, to which I replied that all would be fine if he had a cigarette, alas, he did not.

After several attempts at helping her stand, we were forced to adopt the “Sonderkommando” approach. I grabbed the arms, and Dunfield grabbed the legs. In this way, we carried her about thirty meters to the bench close to the door of my apartment. Here, we rested, and discussed the possibilities of ascending six flights of stairs (my apartment unfortunately has no elevator). Eventually, I decided to carry her up on my back. Heroically, I carried her up, only pausing once on the fifth floor so as to catch my breath.

I propped her up against the wall just inside the door to my apartment, and found her some water, which she proceeded to spill all over the floor. After watching her vomit some more, and a bit of towel-foot mopping, Dunfield and I helped her to a bed and gave her some water. I chilled out with Dunfield and his girlfriend for a few minutes and sent them on their way. It was now close to five and I couldn’t sleep; my precious sleep had been disturbed by post-midnight tomfoolery, worse yet, I didn’t have a cigarette.

Despite this, I felt that perhaps at least something had been accomplished. Perhaps Eva realized that the blame for the result of being a drama queen, rested solely with her. Perhaps she realized that even without my being involved in her nightlife activities, things were still messed up and dramatic (as I’d heard from Dunfield and his girlfriend); the problem rested with her, and not with me or anyone else. Yet perhaps more, she would stop trying to put the blame for things that went wrong on others instead of accepting personal responsibility.

Well – probably not, but there’s a chance, right?

Take, for example, a recent situation in which a couple of girls were being particularly dramatic: crying, walking away (then coming back with strong words), and generally making a scene about nothing. I’ll now share a brief anecdote with you all, in the first person.

I sat in a chair in the entrance of a club. Everyone seemed to be upset about something; I’d since, through apathy, lost track of who was currently angry at who. One thing was for sure – everyone was drunk, not least the girl whom I had apparently sorely wronged in some way. The girl who Barbara was with was apparently also somewhat dissatisfied with the way things were going.

Eva had the wonderful idea that taking the purse of one of the other girls and acting as if it were lost, and then having one of us give it back to her after she’d panicked for a while would be a good catalyst with which to initiate positive change to the situation. Quite obviously – this was one of the contributing factors as to why I was currently smugly enjoying the soap opera that was unfolding in front of me.

Some random local guy was sitting across from me, looking a bit bored. I gave him a cigarette – “Hey man – don’t worry about this stuff, we’re all actors, there are some hidden cameras, this is the latest style of soap opera.” He gave me a slight look of disbelief before chuckling to himself.

The scene continued to unfold, some of the participants began to take others off to have “private” talks about the situation, who they were currently angry with, or whatever. I even joined in the fun from time to time, dramatically shouting “why! why are you being like this? I love you!!!”, “don’t leave me!” and so on. Minutes passed, and I shared another cigarette with the stranger across from me in the chair. A female actress approached my place of seating, and demanded the attention that I’m sure she felt that she deserved from me. She then proceeded to explain why we were all to be treated to such a delightful performance. I’m happy to say that the stranger agreed with me, and told her that she and the other girls were being silly.

It was getting late and I needed to get home; an idea struck me.

“Give me ten kuai if the girl over there hits me in the next 5 minutes, if I don’t get hit, I’ll give you ten.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

“Sure.”

I shook hands with the stranger and tossed my cigarette to the ground. I was laughing quite hard at this point, but I put on my best “serious face” and approached the girl. She proceeded to cry, and I repeated what I’d told her earlier. Alas – she did not hit me; perhaps she’d overheard my bet, and was scornfully denying me of ten kuai. In disappointment, I placed ten kuai in the hand of the stranger, and was on my way home with Dunfield and Barbara within a few seconds.

Obviously, that’s a somewhat condensed version of the story, but I hope you get the picture. Upon arriving at my house (with the girls, strangely enough), more buffoonery ensued. Camouflage and Airsoft guns were involved. I may post pictures later.

幸好終于有個辦法；我們小組有個女孩來辦這個事情，但是又不幸他媽的經理要來泡那個女孩,而那個女孩開始喜歡這個老胖子；我當時有點有趣嚐一下她的味道就是我的不幸福.但是有時候不幸福就是在假裝幸福;我根本都不想和那樣的女孩子,大不如就直接去拿妓女來干我操.後來,我就開始慢慢的討厭這個女孩…其實不該叫她女孩,應該就直接說婊子.

活動就是越來越爛的,barabara打分打昏了,然後我們就沒有什麽好話要跟這些女孩子講.而且,那個錘子的經理一直在跟那個婊子談話,我就是在那個桌子鬱悶的吸又喝酒.

其實,終于dunfield帶了幾個過去溫哥華的留學生來到我們桌子,當時我就是開始不管女孩,就管跟有公同語言的人一起談話…反正我沒怎麽喜歡那些女孩.好像是最好別騗自己,就跟到我心裏指的一條路.

那麽,一會就去了babyface跟那些過去的溫哥華留學生一起喝酒,就感覺很自由的;沒有babi慢慢發現噩夢一直咬我的腦子.又看到了個長得不錯的女孩.但是最後eva,barbara和babi的一個調酒師來了,要求我回到babi喝酒.其實可不管babi的一些錘子,但是必須幫助朋友,所以,最後就是回到babi的.

又過了一會,差不多到了兩點鐘,我們安排去KTV.其實那個時候,我已經準備回家或者是帶又願意來的人來到我家開個house party…但是,這個好像是中國..

到了個比較非法的KTV之後呢,我們小組就是女的比男人多了.如果是想搞的話,肯定是個比較不錯的情況(相信barbara那個時候就是很高興了).就像大家能猜得出來,男的開始跟女的勾兌…我也是假心假意的來,但是就是跟另外個女孩靠近的跳舞爲了讓那個錘子的女孩的心理感覺不舒服.

後來,因爲不在這個blog講的原因,我們的party結速了.我就說:我後來沒有機會連給和我跳在一起的女孩說bye bye.我,dunfield,barbara,eva,和一位喜歡barbara的女孩回到了dunfield的家.不久在dunfield家的時候,barbara就說他要”跟那個女孩談話” — 我和dunfield肯定懂了這句話是什麽意思,所以後來就跑到我自己的家去了.

現在很快要到七點了..如果barbara沒有搞定了,我們明天..或者說,今天晚上,一定會罵他的.

我非常想說我們今天學會了個道德或者是智慧,但是確實沒有..如果你昨天是給我説好的我們活動的細節,我當時還是可以馬上告訴你我們會遇到什麽結果.

晚安.